“People Are Hard to Hate Close Up. Move In.”
-Brene Brown
(From her newest book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, whose wisdom and insights and research are life-changing. And whose voice is quite soothing, if you're an Audible-type like I am!)
THIS.
I don't know if this is true abroad, but here in the United States, we have a pervasive sickness in the way people behave towards one another (made worse by social media) that can only be healed by MASSIVE ACCOUNTABILITY.
Part of that accountability is owning that you truly do not know most people who you judge well enough to do so. And that the things you say in comments on social media or anywhere, YOU MUST OWN THEM. They aren't into an abyss. On the other side of your device are OTHER REAL, LIVING, BREATHING PEOPLE. People who, if you had the chance to get to know, you would not likely hate.
And, I have witnessed that 99.9% of people who come at me with hate when I open up and speak the truth, they boomerang right back when they realize that THEIR FEELINGS OF UPSET HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
That I shared the truth of a situation and it upset them isn't about me. If you are upset when I shine a light on the ugly sides of a shiny social media world, it is your emotional state to own and sort out. I'm simply speaking the truth, how you feel about that is your own business.
So tell me, have you ever been in a situation where you maybe judged someone a little prematurely, before you got to know them a little better? (maybe even me?) What was the outcome?
Let me know in the comments below – I'd love to hear from you!
Comments 13
Thank you Diane. I will simply say this is very well written. And so true. I appreciate the time you took to write this. I hope it goes far and wide and makes people think. We are too quick to judge.
Author
Thanks, Donna. 🙂
Thank you for this. I so needed it. I just bought the book as well.
Author
Glad it resonated with you, Ronna.
I’ve found this to be so true in my own growth process. I appreciate you for reminding us of Brene Brown’s succinctly put message: “People Are Hard to Hate Close Up. Move In.”
Another great reminder that applies: “Be Kind; Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle.”
Thank you for sharing such practical wisdom on a regular basis, Diane, on so many fronts. Today’s post supports a holistic approach to good health: mind, body, and spirit.
Though I don’t really “know” you, I so appreciate your good work that I have seen in your books, podcasts, and other means of communication. You works bear good fruit!
Kudos and very kind regards,
Linda
(Matthew 7)
Author
Thanks, Linda.
I worked as a nurse in a busy labor and delivery unit for 5 years. At least once a week I would get report from the nurse going home about my patient and it would include statements such as “these people are weird” or “crazy” or “they are nice but…” or I would get report on a new patient and there would be a history of drug use or that she doesn’t have custody of her other 3, 4, or 5+ children. Those statements always made me IMMEDIATELY judge these people before I ever met them. It also caused me to start our interaction from the wrong place (a place of judgement not acceptance). 100% of the times that happened to me, I learned something incredibly valuable from those patients. Every. Damn. Time. They taught me something humbling and they taught me that it’s important to learn someone’s story before making any sort of assumptions about them. That’s probably the most valuable thing I learned from my time in labor and delivery. I carry that with me and try to remind myself of it in every interaction I have.
Author
GREAT lesson, Martha. Thank you for sharing that.
Monica Lewinsky, of all people, has a really interesting intake on this subject via TedTalks. She claims to be the first person in history to have been cyber-bullied via the worldwide web. She was, at one time, the most hated women in the world—her words. How would one recover from THAT kind of scrutiny.
Author
SO true, Stacy.
I have to say your post brought to mind a situation that I am currently processing. There is a woman at my gym that I can honestly say I do not like. There is just something about her that hits me all the wrong way. Your post has me thinking why this is the case? She has done nothing to me that could be remotely considered offensive yet I feel the way I do. It is making me wonder if I need to make an effort to at least talk to her and get to know her a little and dig a little deeper to see what she may be triggering in myself.
Author
Very possible! You may also be able to figure some of this out without talking to her as well, ya know? If you haven’t talked to her before and don’t know her, it likely has little to do with her. But, then again, yes, maybe saying hi will break things down. You really never know someone until you know someone, ya know?! 🙂
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